Personal story part 2: My body
Dear, you,
Last week I talked about my thought this past year, getting older, and the plans and goals in my personal life and work life and HTDF (Read Here). Today I want to talk about something a bit more private - my body.
It's my body and my thoughts towards it the past 20, maybe 25 years, which was why I started HTDF.
I'm 162 cm tall, and as I'm writing this, my measurement around the hips is 116 cm, and my breasts are big and voluminous. These measurements aren't new to me because when you're sewing clothes, you know your current measurements and to get well-fitted garments, you need to respect your measurements and work with them. I've been 20 kg lighter than my current weight, but I've also been heavier, and no matter what weight and measurements I've had, my focus was always on getting thinner, taller, smaller breasts and narrow feet.
I've always compared myself to the ones around me, in my workplaces and to my girlfriends. When you used to work in the fashion industry, as I did, thin equals pretty and "the correct body", and when you don't tick off in those boxes, you have the perfect recipe for a bad self-image and self-esteem.
I've wasted a lot of time shaming my body, and the bad talking towards myself peaked in my late twenties. Then I got pregnant. After I gave birth to Molly, I got a metabolic disease which meant I lost a crazy amount of weight - I was finally thin like I've always wanted to be, but the truth was I wasn't happy in that body. I was sick, and my body wasn't healthy. So right there, it was finally clear to me that it wasn't about being skinny; it was all about feeling good in your skin no matter the weight and measurements.
I learned a very important lesson back then. Crazy that it took me being seriously ill to see clear. I learned to be grateful for my health and my working body. I created more sustainable expectations towards my body and what I expected from it. And most importantly, I began accepting it and seeing it for what it really was. My body. My home. I didn't want to fit into the fashion industry's picture-perfect body ideals with standardized clothes anymore. I wanted to fit into my own clothes, sewn by me and by my own measurements and my body and wanted to create my own idea of fashion. It was all about owning myself again.
That was a turning point for me. I started being more critical of the industry I was working in instead of being my body's biggest critic. My thoughts on starting my business with the body at the centre began to sprout. At this time, I began sewing my clothes for good. I shared my knowledge on the blog I had back then. Can you guess what its name?... How To Do Fashion, of course! If you want to, are curious or maybe have been following me for all this time and enjoy a flashback, you can see it here.
My most significant vision was to get women to feel more comfortable in their bodies, no matter the size, shape, or measurements. My main focus was not to make the woman fit the clothes, but make the clothes fit the woman - and actually, that hasn't changed in all these years, and it will probably never change. Because of my own story and the fight with my body, this will always be my vision, mission, and values.
I had my first workshop in Copenhagen (summer 2013) and released my first sewing pattern (may 2014), and since then, I've released a lot of sewing patterns and met many women at my workshops. I think and hope that I've made a difference in the sewing world. However, if I've only changed one woman's self-image and her way of perceiving herself, then my mission is accomplished.
As I wrote in the last part of this series, my personal story on the journey to HTDF today, then big, fancy business plans have never been my cup of tea. Instead, my gut feeling and values are my compasses, and by that, I navigate.
I can keep talking about the importance of respecting your body and yourself. It's a topic I'm very passionate about. But this was a little look into my journey of becoming who I am, creating my own business, and doing what I love. Next week I want to talk about the future, my responsibility and the joy of doing what I love, both the good and the bad things. But one thing is for sure; for the future, I will always strive for making women feel beautiful in their homemade and well-fitted clothes.
If you've read all the way down till here, I'm grateful you want to be a part of my universe and use your time on my business. Thank you. I hope you want to read along next time as well.
With love,
Nanna
